i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
