I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
