So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
