My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize