I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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