i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
