i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
