I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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