she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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