quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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