if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
