New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
