If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Your penis caused this!
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