She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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