I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm going to jail i love you
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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