I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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