if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
