that's an acceptable place to lick
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize