ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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