I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
