I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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