It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
