My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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