I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
