wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
