I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
