Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
