Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
