Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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