No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
