You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
