Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
