Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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