He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Sext me about skeletons
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
