While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
