I swear she didn't look like that last week.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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