Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
