ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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