Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
