I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Is Oprah even human
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
