Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
