Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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