I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
