none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
