some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
