my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
