She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
