guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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