So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize