yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
