two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
