pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
