you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
