I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize