She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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