and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
