just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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