oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i drank out of a bidet.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
