Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize