wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
