ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
