Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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