and next time when you feel me up, do it right
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
