Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
