Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
