11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
