I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
