used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
