you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
