dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Randomize
