Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
