exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize