Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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