She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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